One day I might know what I want

Add this to your list of things Joel is confused about:

It seems I can’t stand people being needy of me. I typically react rather violently to it–if not externally, then cetainly internally. Yet, I’m pretty sure that if the rug of neediness was pulled from under me, I’d free rather worthless.

I’m just curious what has given rise to this in my life. I don’t really want to be this way. Probably just some fleshy resistance to a higher calling.

Christ certainly had no trouble with people needing him; that’s what he was all about. The crowds followed him, people constantly asked him questions, disciples and others sought his opinion and longed for his counsel… My experience is a mere microcosm of his and it wears me out. He sure understood how to remain tapped into the Source.

It’s like I’m practicing relational bulimia–except reverse. I purge in anticipation of the binge rather than because of it.

Of course, this sounds way too much like I need Christ to deliver me from something. Just not sure from what yet, which highlights my original point of being confused. Need the root of the problem.

Joel Maust

Joel Maust is a blogger, marketer and photographer living in the beautiful Flathead Valley of northwest Montana.

4 Comments

april

about 12 years ago

hey - there are no comments on the new blog yet - so i thought i would leave one ... comment ... there - done - later

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Joel

about 12 years ago

Hey -- Thanks. All my old comments were supposed to input into the new blog, but for some reason it didn't work. I'm trying to figure out how to fix it. But for now, we'll have to start from ground zero.

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Jeppy

about 12 years ago

Do you think that maybe your schedule is already so demanding that the thought of one more thing "neeeeding" your attention just makes you mentally exhausted or tired? What is your schedule like when these feelings hit you like a rock? Not trying to be Dr. Phil. Just a thought from my own experiences.

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Joel

about 12 years ago

Well, to tell the truth, I am rather stressed about a few things right now that are filling my schedule... And a friend pointed out that since I tend to to live like I don't need others, I have a hard time understanding and accepting that others may need me.

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