One day I might know what I want

Add this to your list of things Joel is confused about:

It seems I can’t stand people being needy of me. I typically react rather violently to it–if not externally, then cetainly internally. Yet, I’m pretty sure that if the rug of neediness was pulled from under me, I’d free rather worthless.

I’m just curious what has given rise to this in my life. I don’t really want to be this way. Probably just some fleshy resistance to a higher calling.

Christ certainly had no trouble with people needing him; that’s what he was all about. The crowds followed him, people constantly asked him questions, disciples and others sought his opinion and longed for his counsel… My experience is a mere microcosm of his and it wears me out. He sure understood how to remain tapped into the Source.

It’s like I’m practicing relational bulimia–except reverse. I purge in anticipation of the binge rather than because of it.

Of course, this sounds way too much like I need Christ to deliver me from something. Just not sure from what yet, which highlights my original point of being confused. Need the root of the problem.

Joel Maust

Joel Maust is a blogger, marketer and photographer living in the beautiful Flathead Valley of northwest Montana.