So how is it that desire can take months and months to manifest? Don’t we in our human nature usually shove things we desire to the top of the list–regardless of cost or consequence? I do that when I want to buy something; how come I don’t do that with the deepest desires of my heart? Does that mean it’s truly not a deep desire, but rather something I wish were a deep desire–or something I feel ought to be a deep desire? Don’t our actions reveal what is truly in our hearts?
I desire more intimacy with the Lord, yet I don’t do much to achieve it. It’s been on the back burner of my life for about eight or nine months now–just sitting there, quietly whispering my name and asking me respond. I acknowledge it, then go about my life as normal. I pat myself on the back for at least acknowledging it, telling myself that most people don’t even hear that whisper.
And then I beat myself to death for not responding to the whisper. I feel like such a freaking Pharisee sometimes.
Current scripture running through my head: James 4:4-10
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
