Sitting in a really nice hotel in Mackinac City, watching ESPN and surfing the Web, waiting for our ferry ride over to the Island. I’ve never been on Mackinac Island, so I’m kinda looking forward to the trip. A co-worker and I are recording Steve Forbes do a video greeting for an Entrepreneurship and Innovation Symposium Spring Arbor University is hosting on Thursday. He’s up here in Mackinac for some big CEO conference that costs like $10,000 to attend.
We made the five hour drive up here last night and crashed in time to see the very exciting end to Monday Night Football (certainly kicking myself for not starting Santana Moss in my fantasy leagues).
The hotel we’re staying at is clearly seasonal. We paid only $54 for the two of us, it’s right on the lake, and within walking distance of the ferry. It had a great full-scale breakfast, including eggs, sausage, biscuits and gravy, fruit, cereal, and…fresh Belgium waffles :) None of this continental crap.
There was a little feature on ESPN’s Cold Pizza about Green Bay running back Ahman Green. A Pro-Bowl back, he hasn’t notched a 100-yard running game since last November. Call is a slump, for sure.
I kinda feel like that. I haven’t blogged anything worth while in a long time. And on a grander-scale, I haven’t had revelation from God in a while too. Used to be something weekly, if not daily. But it’s just not happenin’ right now.
It certainly isn’t God’s fault. I don’t feel like he decided to stop talking to me. I’m just struggling and for the most part, not asking him his opinion; not seeking him with all my heart. I guess the most troubling part of all this is that I’ve known this for a while and haven’t decided to do anything about it. Just kinda sitting on the sidelines, watching the game being played, but content to leave my position unfilled for the time being. The fact that my team needs me and is at a disadvantage without me doesn’t seem to bother me–at least not enough to change my attitude about it.
So, there it is: the scary honesty of where I’m at. It’s out there for all to know. When I’m stubborn…I’m really stupid :) Reminds me of a friend who was raised in Christian home…but didn’t really do anything with her faith until sometime in her 20s. She said something like: "I always kinda new I’d come around to Christ sooner or later."
I know I just have to decide to care again, but my stubbornness (or should I say, my flesh) says: hold out until you have something "real" and "tangible" to come back to. But Christ wants me to come back to him in faith that he’s good even when I don’t find his goodness real and tangible. And I guess that’s what I’m stubbornly holding out for.
6 replies on ““Mackinac” or “Well…here I am””
Sorry, Joel, cannot pass up this opportunity for advice from an OLDER friend. Go to http://www.neverhome.blogspot.com and read an entry that a dear missionary friend posted recently on “being single” and “fear of rejection.” Think about how God feels right now as you are “rejecting” him. The truth hurts! Not that I have not been in the exact place in my life before, as well, so I am not critizing – just giving some loving advice. Seek and you shall find. Looking forward to hearing from you and I will be praying for you, as well.
Haha! (My response to all the postings that I just read) Who knew you were funny and deep? (ok-maybe everyone else but not me) I should have tried harder to get to know you in college. :-) Well, you can tell that I read blogs when I’m bored at school, not that I do not have enough to keep me busy, but more like the “I have graded the gazillionth paper for today and need a refreshing break” bored. And boy you sure have written a lot since the last time I checked! (shame on Dave for giving me this web address!)
So first off, you have never been to Mackinac? I really hope you enjoy it! I hadn’t been in years but while I was up for the Haase wedding I grabbed my friend and drove up there for the day. It was only 3 hours from where I was, and compared with the 20 hour drive from Texas to Michigan, I figured a “there-and-back” trip really wasn’t all that much. But it was a beautiful day and we had tons of fun. I took way too many pictures that I thought I had lost (the chip was misplaced) but my grandparents called just yesterday saying they had found it! I was psyched! Especially because of the irreplaceable shots of my niece and nephew. Anyhow – y’all should go and rent a horse and buggy. I think its like $48 for an hour drive and you get to drive yourself – just make sure you tell them you have experience (even if you dont) because otherwise you will get the slowest horse they have and then you will be charged extra because it will take twice as long to get around the island (Im not bitter…) But anyway – have fun basking in the beauty of God’s creation – and take some pics and post them to your site! :-)
Secondly, art professor…Im totally drawing a blank on the name (go figure) but what a wonderfully accurate description! Shan and I took the drawing I class our senior year just for fun and he tried to talk us out of it (pretty much said we would screw up our grade-points and he would probably hate everything we did). Well, we stuck with it and by the end of the semester he was trying to convince me to change majors – and that was probably one of the best compliments I had ever received! It feels good coming from someone who rarely dishes it out. And he entered one of my pieces into the small college art show so I felt really honored.
Lastly, God. (talk about not prioritizing! I should have put Him first!) Hang in there! It is so hard to deal with an “invisible” God – with nothing to hold on to – but you are so right about the coming to Him in faith (praise Him for Grace and Mercy huh?!) Life sucks … and Satan does a great job of keeping me down by assailing me with passivity and the thought that “I can’t come back until I am doing better.” I have recently been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, and … well … it’s captivating. I have learned so much in just a week – and at the same time get so frustrated by the fact that despite it all, I still have a hard time truly running to Him. Its crazy! But I guess that is what makes grace so absolutely amazing!
Sorry to talk you ear off! But I really do enjoy reading your blog and from what I have read you are an amazing person. Just remember that he’s just as near in the valleys as he is on the mountain-top. And if you are anything like me – this trip to Mackinac will do your spirit good. What better proclamation of His glory than His creation?
Kinda funny – when my grandmama was out here (colorado) visiting, she was trying to convince me to be her companion/buddy on her next bus trip – to Mackinac. I’m a little worried that pictures from you might sway me to join her (mom, if you read the comments here – don’t tell her – she might pay joel off). :)
April, you have great taste in books! Keep reading! I devoured Captivating in about a day and a half over my spring break. I’m finally getting back to a slow reread to digest it better. I’ve heard the journal that goes with it is good too.
Em
Joel, I am sorry you do not remember the trip to the Island, but our family, John, Gloria and family, and Grandpa and Grandma Kuhns visited Northern Michigan and Mackinaw Island when you were a little guy, probably three.
Wow…thanks for the encouraging response, friends. I appreciate the prayers greatly. I’m doing much better, having had much of my cynicism purged from my system by the Lord himself. My faith needs to rebound some, but I feel very cared for by God–that he’d gently guide me back where I ought to be in my relationship with him and move forward from there.
[…] At this point, you can insert Mackinac faith-crisis, which I blogged about in September. […]